Ahh yes. This is how every Saturday night should be spent!

Gender Misappropriation

Rex Van De Kamp: [having an allergic reaction] You put
onions in my salad?
Bree Van De Kamp: No, I didn't![looks back at table]
Bree Van De Kamp: Oh, wait.
Rex Van De Kamp: I can't
believe you tried to kill me.
Bree Van De Kamp: Yes, well, I feel badly about
that.

And this, kids, is why we shouldn't feed people onions. They make people die. Or maybe just Lauren. However, this could be a terrific way to get rid of that pesky person in your life whose sole purpose is to irritate you.


Ladies and gentlemen, we are witnessing an interesting switch. Men are no longer men; women no longer women. More frequently I am noticing feminine behavior in the males, and masculine behavior in the females. I can say this because apparently I display a good amount of testosterone-fueled qualities, such as being able to open my own beer and spaghetti jars. However, there are more disturbing gender-bending traits coming out in both sides.

For instance, last year my friend had a bat in her apartment. So she attempted to get her then boyfriend (now husband) to look for it, but he wouldn't!! So who gets called in for back-up? That's right, me - a girl. Who apparently has a reckless streak, because I just went in there with my tennis racket - okay it was hers, like I play tennis ha - and proceeded to beat the bed and walls to try to scare it out.

Yes, that's right. I went searching for the rodent while he hid on the couch like a (dare I say it and risk offending my own gender) woman. But let's face it - us ladies don't like anything small and furry that shouldn't be there - mice, bats, you name it. We don't like them. Typically it should be the guy's job to hunt them out and beat the living crap out of them. But what's going on now? I don't understand.

So here's the question I pose to you: Is this evolution (and proving our superiority haha) or is this due to the increasing sexual equality in both society and economy?

Let me illustrate: there have been major changes in both work behavior and dating behavior. Not that I date all that often (School will do that to you. You know, make you a loser. It also makes you stupid.) but I have quite a few male friends and they all have the same pattern: they wait for the girl to make the first call, and afterward, wait at least 3 days for the second call. It's even worse if they actually see the girl - then they can't see her again for another week. Hint, kids: we get reeeeaallly impatient. If you like us, you better call us in 3 days OR LESS, and there will be no once a week rule. That's just stupid and irritating.

This brings me into my second point. Because guys have become so passive, girls have become cynical and just a tad impatient. Making them more aggressive. Every girl I know has made the first call at least once, and even demanded a date. I couldn't say how many guys I've just told to go out with me because I was tired of their skittishness. Honestly.

I know what some of you are thinking- Great! Progress!! But this isn't progress - it's blatant laziness! We're stuck in this twilight zone where girls make the first call, expecting a response, and then still waiting by the phone. What's up with that? Stupid.

Now on to the job market: It's become increasingly common for men to take orders from a woman, and the woman is almost always an extremely confident, assertive person that people take seriously. Our office is about to go through a transition of sorts: our office manager is just the kind of woman described above. However, our main guy just passed the bar - meaning he'll be an associate with our boss. Our OM hasn't taken the bar yet....And won't until July. So what does this mean? There's going to be a shift in power - she will go from being the one in charge to being 2nd in charge within the next two months. Already she's saying she won't take orders from him.

Do you know what this spells? Trouble. I'll let you know how it turns out.