Hmm hmm hmmm

Alright Lauren, I now know how you feel. I went to the Cincinnati Zoo today (for the first time!) and I got felt up by a 3 year old. A three year old!! I mean - who does that? It's almost as bad as when this client brought in her kid, and showed him pictures of half-naked girls (from Cosmo of course. We actually keep those in our "lobby" - ie, 3 feet away from my desk)and asked him if he thought they were pretty and he started MASTURBATING. The kid was 4. FOUR. Disgusting.

So anyway, after this toddler copped a feel, the mom apologized and I just went "Umm...it's okay...." and she said (the quote of the day kids) "Yeah, it's okay when he's 3, but not when he's 30!" and walked off to the monkey exhibit or whatever. I swear. What do you say about that?? Apparently K-Fed didn't catch the main event - as it lasted about 2 seconds - but he said that if he had he would have pushed the kid into the penguin exhibit. Awwww - K-Fed, you don't have to push toddlers into dangerous penguin exhibits for me - I can do that myself! *BAM! In the face!*

Anyway so that's enough of that. The zoo was a good time though - I likey aminals. I think they're cute. Also of note, I won the Derby today! AGAIN, Bitches (No, Michelle, Ben's not here. He's somewhere being a nerd and not talking to anyone.)!! I win almost EVERY YEAR! HA! I kinda wish I had put money on it...apparently Kori and I are going next year and the rule is I have to touch the 20 dollar bill and make the decision on the horse so we can win meeeelllions of doolllllars. Because 20 dollars will always turn into millions if you get the Derby winner. I added it up today, and had we won, we would have gotten a whole $120 out of it because Barbaro's odds were 6-1. Not quite millions, but still respectable, ja?

So I'm a week into my 2 week break from school, and I'm already going "where's the textbooks? Why aren't I studying?" I swear to God I might need some psychological help, but ehh. I dun cur.

Side note - I'm not sure this thing is really about expressing my opinions anymore as telling people how dumb I am sometimes. Speaking of dumb, I stapled my finger last week. It was friggin hilarious - who staples themselves?? Ohhh wait. Me. HA!

Alright it's friggin 1 am (too much caffeine already) and I'm going to bed.

Jew with no soul seen at McD's today - orders entire menu and demands discount

My diatribe of the day (ooh diatribe. What a great word - sounds like you might actually know something when really....you may just be ign'rn't. That's how you spell that, right? No vowels?) is about how I have no soul. Yeah I think I've told a couple of you this within the last week, but let me explain anyway - I think it's fun. I mean, we knew I was going to hell (You! Jew! You're going to hell!) but NOW we have proof that I have no soul.

So then does that mean I'm not going to hell? People with no souls can't go to hell, can they?

Anyway.....to go on with it (get on with it will you??)

We took in a new case at the beginning of the week, and Chris (aka Hey I'm an attorney guy) was showing me her injuries and whatnot, explaining that it was a good case. He likes to do this because I think he feels I should feel purposeful or whatever. In any case, I looked at it, and here is what I said kids:

"Well, I'd like this case better if she had broken some bones."

Yes, yes. I wanted her to break a leg so that we could get more money for the firm.

I. Have. No. Soul.

And so I discuss this with a few of my law school friends, and have since determined that none of us have souls...because they felt the same way I do. What's wrong with us?? When does it come to a point when you want someone to be even more hurt than they are so that you can support the case better and thus get a bigger settlement/judgment???

This is why the general public hates lawyers. All we want is the big payoff.

End of Diatribe

In any case, I haven't had any hilarious diseases lately (what?? Herpes of the Throat???) or had any fun trips or experiences..unless you consider studying for finals a fun experience. My awesome presence has invaded this library for about 2 weeks now and will continue to do so until next Monday. I'm sorry for ignoring all you cool kids but we know how the routine goes.

Oh you don't?? Okay here you go:
Work
School (MWF)
Study/Outline

And this goes on forever and ever. So the answer to "What have you been up to?" Please read the above. Work, school, and studying.

However, I did break the routine last night by watching gay cowboys and eating chinese with wine - which actually wasn't too bad...I mean the food and the alcohol portion. The movie - it wasn't so hot. In fact, I think it violated me - physically violated me with it's pure graphic nature....and didn't even apologize for it either. But we had a good time laughing at it!!

Oh and I think my stomach is threatening to secede again - well too bad! Just for threatening, I'll give it more fat, salt and caffeine! Ha ha!

AAAHHHHH I NEED TO STUDY!

So the anxiety has finally set in. I am now ready to sit and outline like my ass is going to fall off. (You liked that, didn't you? Asses falling off. It's great.) The K-Fed is leaving this morning so that gives me a little more time to concentrate on school instead of letting people distract me! So my plan for this morning - take a shower, head to the coffeehouse and order a waffle, outline, skip my study session cause I have nothing ready for it, and study until my eyes burn from the computer screen. Let's not forget the eye drops and the nexium for my stomach. Always important. YES!!

In other news, my birthday was last Wednesday and it was celebrated for a week! How awesome is that?? Lauren and Dana threw me a surprise birthday party last Friday (the 1st) and completely tricked me. It was astounding how unobservant I am lol (Or how sneaky they are!) So let me tell you all what went down. Cause all of you care. Of course all of you were there......so okay I'm going to tell you anyway!!

So I get a text message from Dana in the middle of class asking if I was up for the night, and I said no. Then nothing. 1 hour later, I get a message saying she's drunk from decorating Barristers and I should come get her.....after she made a big friggin deal about wanting to hang out with me on Friday night and I had a Horrible day - to cut that whole thing short Dana had me going like an Irish person on alcohol. I was going to go off when I saw her...and I did. I "lectured" her all the way into the lobby and up the elevator (she "lost" her shoes) and even until we got to the door.

Of course, I thought we were in the wrong room. So....the quote of the night:
"Dana, I don't think this is the right room, there's a Happy Birthday banner. I think we're walking into someone's birthday party."

So in any case it was an awesome birthday party and I love my friends for doing it for me. It was fabulous. All in all this has been a good week.

Other recaps: Barrister's was fabulous (he can dance he can dance!), I am now Events Coordinator for the WLC, and I got pink roses at my door on my birthday. :)

See?? I'm not always negative. There's your happy fun story for the year - I will continue my ranting and raving on the next one. Thank you for coming, and have another Squishy.

Bllaeerrhhhh *Mommy why is there drool on her chin?*

As I sit here, with my whitestrips on and my rosacea cream on my face - the former which makes you drool and the latter makes you kinda feel diseased - I realize that not only is this picture slightly unattractive but I might be a little boring.

I was talking to K-Fed earlier in the evening and we got into the discussion of hobbies. You know, things you do outside of either work or school which you might enjoy on a regular basis. Hobbies do not include anything that has social value unless it's an activity. Let's be really nerdy and go find a definition, shall we?

Hobby: An activity or interest pursued outside one's regular occupation and engaged in primarily for pleasure. (Dictionary.com)

I bring this up for one main reason. We were discussing his intense obsession with fantasy anything, which of course I think is obscenely nerdy (haha- says the pot to the kettle) and so he asked me what my hobbies were then. I literally could not find a single one. Not one! I remember the hobbies I used to have - you know, making jewelry, karate, making an occasional candle or scarf, writing crap that no one reads, playing the piano, hiking like once a year - but then I realized I don't do any of that now. I mean, I went hiking a couple of weeks ago, but does that really count? What about writing this? Does it count? I only spend maybe 10 minutes on it twice a month or so, so I'm not sure it really does.

What's sad is he defined it as something that gives you a sense of accomplishment, which law school certainly doesn't. But I never thought of hobbies as giving a sense of accomplishment - work does that for me. Especially lately what with the raise, the increased flexibility/responsibility, and the fact that for some odd reason Chris is being nice to me.

Besides, what time I do have to myself goes toward social stuff - you know, apparently people want to see me on occasion. I don't know what that's about. I wouldn't want to see me - I'm boring and I have drool on my chin. lol

So anyway - what I would like to do to change this:
1. Find some sort of instrument that I can drag into my apartment. I'd love to have a keyboard with 88 keys. But we knew this.
2. Get back with the dance lessons. I don't care if I have to go alone, because I enjoy it. I'd rather have a dance partner (eases the awkwardness) but if we can't get our schedules together then... *shrug*
3. OR as an alternative, I'd love to find some yoga class or karate class that fits in my schedule.

Maybe I should work on that.

This is the furniture I want for my living room. The couch and chair together are 900 dollars. Anyone want to donate?? My birthday's coming up soon!! *big cheesy grin*