HAHA - that's right bitches, why smile when you can hit them?
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Monday, June 19, 2006
Die Deutsche kommen! Die Deutsche kommen!
Ich bin schlaffig. Ich musse zur mein Bett gehen!! Und so, Ich schlaffe. *zonk*
Yeah I know that was the worst German ever seen/heard.... I dun cur. So as I haven't written anything in here in a while, I should probably list my latest diatribe. *Dana you've already heard this, so you can feel free to just ignore.*
Diatribe #180,000
There's this new show on tv, called "How to get the Guy." And there's an article in Cosmo about "How to get the guy in 30 days." What the crap?? Aren't we supposed to think that we're independent, confident, self-sufficient women who don't spend our time trying to trap men and make them date us?? How desperate does the media think we are?
And where are these girls that listen? Please tell me, because if I find them, I will smack the sense back into them. Seriously - boys are great - really they are. And I suppose I can't say entirely too much because I'm with a boy. But there's a difference between normal girls with boyfriends (Not that I'm normal. Come on, I talk to hairbrushes) and scary girls who make 30 day plans to "catch their man." Like they're fish.
You know what? If you look that desperate, you're not going to get a guy anyway. So why try? Girls should be concentrating on making themselves happy and doing what they want/need to do, and stop concentrating on being part of that all important item.
There is more to life then pursuing the ultimate marriage with babies and strollers. You know what that life comes with? Baby puke and mortgages. And who wants baby puke? I'll just give the kids candy and send them home to their moms for now. Let them puke on them. This whole situation is about as bad as going to college to get a husband. Uggh.
End of Diatribe #180,000
On to other things:
I had an awesome time in Michigan this weekend, complete with the attempt to go to Gizzard Fest. That didn't quite work out so well, and as we had really high expectations of the event it was a little disappointing. But that's alright. I also have a new foot tattoo - it's really sexy - I know K-Fed likes it! He likes it so much he thinks I should throw my shoes out! ;) (It burns it burns!)
Let's see, what else....I got new office manager duties (mind you, not the promotion or the raise that comes with it. I can't get that while I'm working part-time) and today was my first day with the new responsibilities, and I about had a heart attack. I saw stuff on my desk that I had never really done before...but hopefully I figured it out. Needless to say, I feel slightly overwhelmed but then again I think I'll be fine eventually.
Okay I seriously am going to bed now. Early morning tomorrow and I KNOW the sun really will shine in my window and wake me up. :)
Yeah I know that was the worst German ever seen/heard.... I dun cur. So as I haven't written anything in here in a while, I should probably list my latest diatribe. *Dana you've already heard this, so you can feel free to just ignore.*
Diatribe #180,000
There's this new show on tv, called "How to get the Guy." And there's an article in Cosmo about "How to get the guy in 30 days." What the crap?? Aren't we supposed to think that we're independent, confident, self-sufficient women who don't spend our time trying to trap men and make them date us?? How desperate does the media think we are?
And where are these girls that listen? Please tell me, because if I find them, I will smack the sense back into them. Seriously - boys are great - really they are. And I suppose I can't say entirely too much because I'm with a boy. But there's a difference between normal girls with boyfriends (Not that I'm normal. Come on, I talk to hairbrushes) and scary girls who make 30 day plans to "catch their man." Like they're fish.
You know what? If you look that desperate, you're not going to get a guy anyway. So why try? Girls should be concentrating on making themselves happy and doing what they want/need to do, and stop concentrating on being part of that all important item.
There is more to life then pursuing the ultimate marriage with babies and strollers. You know what that life comes with? Baby puke and mortgages. And who wants baby puke? I'll just give the kids candy and send them home to their moms for now. Let them puke on them. This whole situation is about as bad as going to college to get a husband. Uggh.
End of Diatribe #180,000
On to other things:
I had an awesome time in Michigan this weekend, complete with the attempt to go to Gizzard Fest. That didn't quite work out so well, and as we had really high expectations of the event it was a little disappointing. But that's alright. I also have a new foot tattoo - it's really sexy - I know K-Fed likes it! He likes it so much he thinks I should throw my shoes out! ;) (It burns it burns!)
Let's see, what else....I got new office manager duties (mind you, not the promotion or the raise that comes with it. I can't get that while I'm working part-time) and today was my first day with the new responsibilities, and I about had a heart attack. I saw stuff on my desk that I had never really done before...but hopefully I figured it out. Needless to say, I feel slightly overwhelmed but then again I think I'll be fine eventually.
Okay I seriously am going to bed now. Early morning tomorrow and I KNOW the sun really will shine in my window and wake me up. :)
Sunday, June 04, 2006
I WANNA GO PLAY!! LET ME GO PLAY!!
Okay so I haven’t kept up with my 2 posts a month. I bet you all are REALLY upset. ;) So I suppose it’s time for my quarterly rant about work, though I have to say I’ve been enjoying it lately…does that make me a bad person? Or is it just because my ego is about 1000 times bigger because of everything? (As if I needed to be anymore conceited or anything…)
Maybe I should explain: The war that Cathy predicted would happen is coming true….the two main guys in my office HATE each other. I’d say they have good reasons for either side, really – though *gasp surprise* I’m kinda on Chris’ side. It could be because the other guy (Mr. Look I’m doing Cathy’s Job Cause She’s Not Here – Oh Wait. No I’m not.) does absolutely nothing all day, complains about being here, and then tells everyone they’re stupid. Oh well – it’s his own downfall I suppose…..the only reason he even has that stupid job is because I have to go to summer classes and am therefore working part-time.
Thus the reason for a big ego – because everyone there thinks he’s doing a bad job, I’m suddenly looking a lot better. But the only thing this does is give me more responsibility – I want the raise to go with it! Dammit! Oh well. I think I’ll be fine, and I doubt there’s really much of a shift anyway – I’ll probably just end up doing the same thing I already do.
Alright on to better things – halfway through summer school now, so that makes it closer to not failing out of school if I’m disciplined and closer to being able to do what I want! Hopefully that includes seeing all you lovely people. All of you need to move to Cincinnati – I mean come on…Louisville, Lexington, Michigan…can’t you all just be in one place? For me? Mleh. ‘Salright I suppose I can drive.
Alright, being as I don’t really have too much to say, I’ll leave you all to do better things. Like anyone reads this. (
Maybe I should explain: The war that Cathy predicted would happen is coming true….the two main guys in my office HATE each other. I’d say they have good reasons for either side, really – though *gasp surprise* I’m kinda on Chris’ side. It could be because the other guy (Mr. Look I’m doing Cathy’s Job Cause She’s Not Here – Oh Wait. No I’m not.) does absolutely nothing all day, complains about being here, and then tells everyone they’re stupid. Oh well – it’s his own downfall I suppose…..the only reason he even has that stupid job is because I have to go to summer classes and am therefore working part-time.
Thus the reason for a big ego – because everyone there thinks he’s doing a bad job, I’m suddenly looking a lot better. But the only thing this does is give me more responsibility – I want the raise to go with it! Dammit! Oh well. I think I’ll be fine, and I doubt there’s really much of a shift anyway – I’ll probably just end up doing the same thing I already do.
Alright on to better things – halfway through summer school now, so that makes it closer to not failing out of school if I’m disciplined and closer to being able to do what I want! Hopefully that includes seeing all you lovely people. All of you need to move to Cincinnati – I mean come on…Louisville, Lexington, Michigan…can’t you all just be in one place? For me? Mleh. ‘Salright I suppose I can drive.
Alright, being as I don’t really have too much to say, I’ll leave you all to do better things. Like anyone reads this. (
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Hmm hmm hmmm
Alright Lauren, I now know how you feel. I went to the Cincinnati Zoo today (for the first time!) and I got felt up by a 3 year old. A three year old!! I mean - who does that? It's almost as bad as when this client brought in her kid, and showed him pictures of half-naked girls (from Cosmo of course. We actually keep those in our "lobby" - ie, 3 feet away from my desk)and asked him if he thought they were pretty and he started MASTURBATING. The kid was 4. FOUR. Disgusting.
So anyway, after this toddler copped a feel, the mom apologized and I just went "Umm...it's okay...." and she said (the quote of the day kids) "Yeah, it's okay when he's 3, but not when he's 30!" and walked off to the monkey exhibit or whatever. I swear. What do you say about that?? Apparently K-Fed didn't catch the main event - as it lasted about 2 seconds - but he said that if he had he would have pushed the kid into the penguin exhibit. Awwww - K-Fed, you don't have to push toddlers into dangerous penguin exhibits for me - I can do that myself! *BAM! In the face!*
Anyway so that's enough of that. The zoo was a good time though - I likey aminals. I think they're cute. Also of note, I won the Derby today! AGAIN, Bitches (No, Michelle, Ben's not here. He's somewhere being a nerd and not talking to anyone.)!! I win almost EVERY YEAR! HA! I kinda wish I had put money on it...apparently Kori and I are going next year and the rule is I have to touch the 20 dollar bill and make the decision on the horse so we can win meeeelllions of doolllllars. Because 20 dollars will always turn into millions if you get the Derby winner. I added it up today, and had we won, we would have gotten a whole $120 out of it because Barbaro's odds were 6-1. Not quite millions, but still respectable, ja?
So I'm a week into my 2 week break from school, and I'm already going "where's the textbooks? Why aren't I studying?" I swear to God I might need some psychological help, but ehh. I dun cur.
Side note - I'm not sure this thing is really about expressing my opinions anymore as telling people how dumb I am sometimes. Speaking of dumb, I stapled my finger last week. It was friggin hilarious - who staples themselves?? Ohhh wait. Me. HA!
Alright it's friggin 1 am (too much caffeine already) and I'm going to bed.
So anyway, after this toddler copped a feel, the mom apologized and I just went "Umm...it's okay...." and she said (the quote of the day kids) "Yeah, it's okay when he's 3, but not when he's 30!" and walked off to the monkey exhibit or whatever. I swear. What do you say about that?? Apparently K-Fed didn't catch the main event - as it lasted about 2 seconds - but he said that if he had he would have pushed the kid into the penguin exhibit. Awwww - K-Fed, you don't have to push toddlers into dangerous penguin exhibits for me - I can do that myself! *BAM! In the face!*
Anyway so that's enough of that. The zoo was a good time though - I likey aminals. I think they're cute. Also of note, I won the Derby today! AGAIN, Bitches (No, Michelle, Ben's not here. He's somewhere being a nerd and not talking to anyone.)!! I win almost EVERY YEAR! HA! I kinda wish I had put money on it...apparently Kori and I are going next year and the rule is I have to touch the 20 dollar bill and make the decision on the horse so we can win meeeelllions of doolllllars. Because 20 dollars will always turn into millions if you get the Derby winner. I added it up today, and had we won, we would have gotten a whole $120 out of it because Barbaro's odds were 6-1. Not quite millions, but still respectable, ja?
So I'm a week into my 2 week break from school, and I'm already going "where's the textbooks? Why aren't I studying?" I swear to God I might need some psychological help, but ehh. I dun cur.
Side note - I'm not sure this thing is really about expressing my opinions anymore as telling people how dumb I am sometimes. Speaking of dumb, I stapled my finger last week. It was friggin hilarious - who staples themselves?? Ohhh wait. Me. HA!
Alright it's friggin 1 am (too much caffeine already) and I'm going to bed.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Jew with no soul seen at McD's today - orders entire menu and demands discount
My diatribe of the day (ooh diatribe. What a great word - sounds like you might actually know something when really....you may just be ign'rn't. That's how you spell that, right? No vowels?) is about how I have no soul. Yeah I think I've told a couple of you this within the last week, but let me explain anyway - I think it's fun. I mean, we knew I was going to hell (You! Jew! You're going to hell!) but NOW we have proof that I have no soul.
So then does that mean I'm not going to hell? People with no souls can't go to hell, can they?
Anyway.....to go on with it (get on with it will you??)
We took in a new case at the beginning of the week, and Chris (aka Hey I'm an attorney guy) was showing me her injuries and whatnot, explaining that it was a good case. He likes to do this because I think he feels I should feel purposeful or whatever. In any case, I looked at it, and here is what I said kids:
"Well, I'd like this case better if she had broken some bones."
Yes, yes. I wanted her to break a leg so that we could get more money for the firm.
I. Have. No. Soul.
And so I discuss this with a few of my law school friends, and have since determined that none of us have souls...because they felt the same way I do. What's wrong with us?? When does it come to a point when you want someone to be even more hurt than they are so that you can support the case better and thus get a bigger settlement/judgment???
This is why the general public hates lawyers. All we want is the big payoff.
End of Diatribe
In any case, I haven't had any hilarious diseases lately (what?? Herpes of the Throat???) or had any fun trips or experiences..unless you consider studying for finals a fun experience. My awesome presence has invaded this library for about 2 weeks now and will continue to do so until next Monday. I'm sorry for ignoring all you cool kids but we know how the routine goes.
Oh you don't?? Okay here you go:
Work
School (MWF)
Study/Outline
And this goes on forever and ever. So the answer to "What have you been up to?" Please read the above. Work, school, and studying.
However, I did break the routine last night by watching gay cowboys and eating chinese with wine - which actually wasn't too bad...I mean the food and the alcohol portion. The movie - it wasn't so hot. In fact, I think it violated me - physically violated me with it's pure graphic nature....and didn't even apologize for it either. But we had a good time laughing at it!!
Oh and I think my stomach is threatening to secede again - well too bad! Just for threatening, I'll give it more fat, salt and caffeine! Ha ha!
So then does that mean I'm not going to hell? People with no souls can't go to hell, can they?
Anyway.....to go on with it (get on with it will you??)
We took in a new case at the beginning of the week, and Chris (aka Hey I'm an attorney guy) was showing me her injuries and whatnot, explaining that it was a good case. He likes to do this because I think he feels I should feel purposeful or whatever. In any case, I looked at it, and here is what I said kids:
"Well, I'd like this case better if she had broken some bones."
Yes, yes. I wanted her to break a leg so that we could get more money for the firm.
I. Have. No. Soul.
And so I discuss this with a few of my law school friends, and have since determined that none of us have souls...because they felt the same way I do. What's wrong with us?? When does it come to a point when you want someone to be even more hurt than they are so that you can support the case better and thus get a bigger settlement/judgment???
This is why the general public hates lawyers. All we want is the big payoff.
End of Diatribe
In any case, I haven't had any hilarious diseases lately (what?? Herpes of the Throat???) or had any fun trips or experiences..unless you consider studying for finals a fun experience. My awesome presence has invaded this library for about 2 weeks now and will continue to do so until next Monday. I'm sorry for ignoring all you cool kids but we know how the routine goes.
Oh you don't?? Okay here you go:
Work
School (MWF)
Study/Outline
And this goes on forever and ever. So the answer to "What have you been up to?" Please read the above. Work, school, and studying.
However, I did break the routine last night by watching gay cowboys and eating chinese with wine - which actually wasn't too bad...I mean the food and the alcohol portion. The movie - it wasn't so hot. In fact, I think it violated me - physically violated me with it's pure graphic nature....and didn't even apologize for it either. But we had a good time laughing at it!!
Oh and I think my stomach is threatening to secede again - well too bad! Just for threatening, I'll give it more fat, salt and caffeine! Ha ha!
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