I am living off of Dayquil, orange juice, peppermint tea, and donuts

K so it's been three years since I last posted on here. For some reason, my computer would not let me update my account, so there you go. Sad!

I don't have a lot of time to write on here, but I thought I would throw some stuff up before I continue with my MBE questions. That's right kids, I'm studying for the bar exam. I've graduated law school, and getting my license has been a little more difficult than I originally imagined. Of course, I always think I will succeed on the first try...yet I always end up doing things the long and laborious way. ;) However, I will succeed. That's one thing I know.

This whole process has been slightly frustrating for me. I'm lucky in that I still have a job with the opportunity for advancement once I do pass this damn test. Additionally, I now have an awesome boyfriend who behaves more like my partner than some guy I have fun with on occasion, but mainly annoys me. Most of the guys I date are the latter. But then again, I don't exactly have a lot of patience. I've moved across the river, and hopefully we're buying a house soon. Yes, I said we. No, I'm not engaged. Does that bother me? Eh, not so much. Do I want to get married? Yes. But not until we've been together for a little longer. I suppose I'm doing things slightly backwards, but as long as I don't get pregnant, I don't really care.

It's funny reading things you've written three years ago - I haven't looked at this blog in at least a year. At least, I haven't read what I posted on it. I cannot believe I put that picture up. How embarrassing. But that's alright. As I seem to say in every post - no one reads this anyway, right? It's like an uber public diary.

I have no social commentary today. Mainly because I've been out of the social scene for over a month, trying to prepare for this exam. However, I will be done in less than a week!! Yay! I'm excited, and scared to death at the same time. I hope to God I don't fail. (again). Well, speaking of which - I should go back. I shouldn't be spending time on here if I have other things to do - right kids? Right.

And for everyone's viewing pleasure....me at my worst during the month that was Halloween. What was that??? And Bitches, stop looking at me funny! You're wearing a plastic vest! Haha 

Confidence is overrated? What?

Confidence - Garbage
You’re confident
So confident

You’re full of it
So full of it
You’re full of shit

Alright, so it’s taken me a while to say anything else, but I haven’t had anything useful to talk about. Until now. I have a question to pose for anyone who would like to answer it for me:

Why do we emphasize that confidence is necessary for your mental health, but when we see someone who is confident, we say they’re either (a) full of it or (b) full of themselves?

I really don’t understand this concept. I used to be told on a nearly daily basis that I didn’t have enough confidence in myself, or that I had low self-esteem and that I should work on that. And now, the opposite is occurring – suddenly I and other “confident” people I know are being told that we are either full of ourselves, arrogant, or we’re just trying to fool everyone. Apparently it’s good to aspire to confidence, but not actually to have confidence.

My theory is that people in this country are afraid to appear anything outside of ordinary or to know their own capabilities and be proud of them. And it’s not like people don’t know their own strengths and weaknesses (well I assume most of us do. I certainly know mine) but it’s like we’re afraid to say we’re proud of ourselves because we might hurt someone else’s feelings. What is this, the nation of egos? Everyone is exceptional in different areas, and you know what, I think it’s good to know what you’re good at and to be proud of them. Isn’t that what we ultimately aspire to be? Someone who you can look in the mirror and say – “Hey, I like you. You’re a cool chick/dude”?

As the cliché goes, you can’t get anyone else to love you until you love yourself.

The same goes with our puritanical view of love and romance – why are we so bent on getting married and settling down? I have plenty of friends (and sometimes including myself) who disappoint themselves because they haven’t gotten engaged or even necessarily found the right guy. And all of us are around the same age – about early to mid 20s. That’s pretty young in these modern times. But the need for that “one true love” seems to run rampant, and drive many people, mainly women, crazy because they feel like they do not have it. And I think that’s driven by our own insecurities within ourselves, and certainly isn’t helped by the sheer number of ideal romances that you see in the media. Not that I’m trying to put blame on something else. No one in our society would do that.

And besides wanting to get married, there still remains the view that sex as a whole is a bad thing unless you’re in a seriously committed relationship. I generally hold to that thought, but that’s just because I don’t think it should be that easy to get that intimate with me. Notice I said generally.

But I have heard the opposite from my foreign friend (haha I think it’s funny to call her that) – who says that we here are entirely too conservative in our views toward sex. Apparently where she grew up, it was considered a natural thing, and doing it shouldn’t necessarily be constrained just because you aren’t in love. I don’t know how I feel about that, but I can see where she’s coming from.

So I think that should cover me for another month or so. I’ll see you all after I have walked over the burning coals in my bare feet about 4 times – finals is friggin awesome. Yay caffeine!

Fight or Flight Syndrome

I’ve decided that I think I’m Carrie. I look at what’s going on around me and suddenly have a revelation about the underlying psychology behind the behavior when really it’s just an obvious pattern we all realize.

This week’s theory:

People have one of two responses to extreme stress. One is to ignore the event entirely, and the other is to immediately confront it – i.e., the fight or flight syndrome we all have when our adrenaline is rushing. And if you have a group of people experiencing the same stress, then the group will split off into those two sets of people. Finally, there ends up being a concentric circle pattern where those who “fight” end up dealing with the stress and attempting to handle it, and thus considered having the right to be there to make the decisions, and those who “fly” end up being left out and not considered to be strong enough to do the same.

Is this an extension of Darwin’s “survival of the fittest” argument? What I’ve noticed is that those who deny the issue and try to handle it on their own instead of cooperating with the “whole” end up being closed out of the circle. This occurs even in small families in dealing with a relative’s recovery. It kind of makes sense, but it also underestimates the people who run off – just because they do not have the compulsion to be at the center of the situation doesn’t mean they don’t have the ability to handle the stress. It’s just a different mindset.

Alright, I just had to get that off my chest and I should study now.

Burning Pumpkin of Death!